Ayunithebest.......


dear GOD,

i am ayunie. i stay in singapore. i am writing to you because i want to tell you whats happening in my heart. i am no longer sad but very dissapointed with the people you have always made me believe in. i hope you have a computer up there to read my blog dear GOD. i bet you listen to my prayer everytime because i always say may good things happen to him and bad things happen to me. now its always BAD.




you taught me the meaning of love. when i first talk to iskandar, i didnt know he liked me. then i grew to liked him but he never shown signs of the same to me. i knew i wanted to be there for him so much because his mother passed away when he was young.i wanted to give him love so i stayed by him for those difficult years. i listened to every relationship, still having that thought we could be together. i had loved him all my life until he disappeared. he did the same mistake every single time. he expected me to understand. we lost contact for a whole year. i waited for him to call for that whole year. but he was just my best friend dear god. he didnt see me how i cared for him.

then i met firdaus. firdaus taught me how i was in love. when i msn-ed him, he was quiet. i talked a lot and he was just there to listen. he kept every conversations we had and put it in a folder. he told me at that time, he knew i was special. for once someone liked me. i was happy despite of hw i look, somehow liked me for who i am. we never met for 7 mths dear god, which maybe is part of your plan and i remember how i made him a notebook for him to read so that he would not be lonely in taiwan. and when he came back, we saw each other for the first time. we were in love. it came one time how he scurried to see me after that conversation we had. he asked me to be his girlfriend. i said yes. and then everything was so pretty.


i had a boyfriend whom i love so much. he was the best. he listened to me alot until i felt he started not being there as much. i couldnt understand why. even though he had to take care of his dad and all, its just doesnt feel the same. not like last time and he didnt see it. its weird. what did i do wrong. did loving him too much made it wrong. maybe being the best girlfriend made it wrong. on that day i decided to break up with him,i felt it was right. i knew what i did it for. it wasnt because i love him any lesser. and then came the drama.


you made my life more interesting everytime dear GOD. every single time.


because you tested my love didnt you. you made me see everything about him that seemed bad but i told myself, its okays. i had that hope. of all the million people who called him a jerk, i never supported that. i had never did the same. and at that point of time when i decided to see him, i just didnt know why. maybe you had me send to him again to help him somehow. didnt you?! its weird how you made me do this with the knowledge, i would break my heart again. he had never love me. if he did, he would have fight for me. i should have known.


on top of all the things he forgot in my relationship, how we are supposed to watch PS i love you and he forgot about that. how i never even complain (or maybe i tease) a bit when he started smsing lesser and when he started doing things i never taught he would, i never even got mad as much to hate him.even as friends, if he had cared, he would remembered for the gazillion times to wish me happy __ mths because it makes me happy he remembers. it makes me happy, dont you understand.


firdaus is the nicest guy on earth. he helps his friends first foremost. he cares about his family a lot and he is a good listener. he is a good person but when it comes to me, he seem so jet lag. its so weird, the one i always tell my stories too has suddenly turned to a moment of silence.


dear god,


if you have cared to explain to me why u made me so patient and understanding,


please explain to me. because the more patient and understanding i am, the more unhappy i become. i have never lost hope in something i do and when i did, everything is dash. please tell me why you have made my destiny this way. i told you so, i told you so.i told you i cant have any guys because of this reason. because you always made me work hard and in the end, you made me work somemore. i never blame you dear god. i know u made me stronger in a way. you let me see what kind of people are they in the world and how i managed to go through things.



most importantly,

you taught me how to love unconditionally. without grudges. because after this dear GOD, please give me the strength to go through life knowing it would be hard for me because his love for me is no longer there. so give me the strength like you always do. protect me from harm and show me the way. i dont want to do things im not happy with. i dont want to know guys just because im lonely. stop sending guys to tagged me and buy me for pets! i dont want. i dont want to be the laughing stock of people like they laugh at me, I told you so.



pls find me someone like abah.

and pls, dont try and make it rain everyday because it hurts me if it rains.

im such a jinx sometimes.