Ayunithebest.......



after writing in to GOD yesterday, i think i feel so much better. at that time, HE apparently send me my angel, dewi to talk to me. wah so choon choon i need her and she called. she was telling me about the letter that she wanted to send to me 8 years ago but never did. that time i was arguing with her and never talk to her for two years. im so good. hahaha. when dewi lost me, she felt the lost. im glad im still talking to her. dont know what we argued about also. i broke down while talking to her. dewi said i had been supressing my feelings. you should hear me, i have never sobbed like that. i think if my dad hear, he would bash him up. hurhur. i knew she was right long time ago but i couldnt let him go. thats what i couldnt do. see, i finally admit my mistake. dewi has always believe in firdaus being the one for me. ever since i told her everything that happen, she still thinks firdaus will be the one. until i told her yesterday that if he was the one, he could have do something about it. it saddens me when everytime i think about the VERY effort i made to make him see something but he doesnt see it.

its saddens me when just because i broke up with him, im feeling guilty about it.

and dewi asked me an important question,

so awak, do you want to move on or not?

i replied with a certain yes. this time, i certainly know that even if i tried so much,it wont make a difference. even if i tried going out with him, calling him first to ask him how it was, doing favours for him or so, it wont make a difference because i will only be a friend. he maybe lost in his own world and i tried being there. it didnt help so it shows a lot. therefore i concluded that my first love will always be a first love only. and then dewi said to me,

awak,maybe there's something good that comes out from this. you wont be having so much bad times already because after this, it will be much better. you have done enough. who knows someone out there who is waiting for you is SO much better or you will have someone like him with lots of chest hair or you will have him back. i dont know but it wont be bad everytime =)

she had to emphasize on the chest hair. HAHAHA. but i feel so much better, really. im not going to lie to myself, he can never be my best friend because ex- couples are never best friends. he will just be a friend then. ah, now i have three besties, dewi. min and feli. HAHAHA. and this firdaus arh. he thinks i dont know he posed that UGLY picture on friendster of me. bloody toot. i think when he does call me, i will personally slaughter him for that. and,

thanks to all who have been following my journey =) when i broke up, i thought it would be a disaster but i managed it. for a soft hearted and fragile girl like me who appear strong, i can never do it without the support of all. and who knows, one day from my blog, a different me will emerged. i know i must change something of me before that special someone comes. thats one thing i know =)

and YA, i want to tell you something.



about siti julaiha.

i was in the car after the wedding with my parents when suddenly my auntie turned to me, and said, " ayunie looks like her. if she was here, she would be her age" i was confused. who the heck is siti julaiha sia. i thought it was someone i dont know since boyan language is so difficult to hear. i asked abah about it.

me: who's siti julaiha. i never seen her before
him: oh, she is your aunt's late daughter.
me: AAAAHHHH. AUNT GOT DAUGHTER.
him: yes, if she was alive, she would be the same age as you. you were born the same year and almost the same time or so.
me: then how she died?
him:she died of high fever. that time when it happened,you were crying so bad.
me: i cried?!
him: because you know she would die. maybe thats why.

i stunned for a while. looked up at the skies and suddenly i thought this siti julaiha maybe looking after me too. i used to gugugaga with her and then i cried when she was about to die. i must have been close to her. aunt must be sad because i reminded her of her lost daughter.

now i think i have psychic powers. GOD bless her soul. and better prepare my studies stuffs. got to meet GARY for my enrolment. BYES!