Ayunithebest.......

the rules of love.

the rules of love is simple.you make that someone fall for you and chain them for life so that they will do your bidding. tts what everyone who fall in love and out of love tell me. even mom tell me the same thing. love is not being nice in a relationship but being in control. feed the man his ego and he will be the biggest egoistic male chauvinist pig, opps, boyfriend that you will ever had. however, he will take advantage of you. mom always tell me not to be too nice to guys, they will nvr get your nice intentions & then they will stabbed you in the back & expect u to understand. half heartedly, i listened to her advices because i hv always believed in my own defination. mom hates it when i always make the move.why shouldnt i? im a GIRL. but mom, i like that person a lot and i dont care about being first or last.i always believe in fighting for what i want unless i see that there is no worth fighting for. believe me, i have always visioned myself to marry ace from three years ago until the day he said he was half half about things.i cant believe i laughed at that point of time. i know i wanted to stab him but i just couldnt. i still remembered,

• how i waited for him to return from taiwan,
• how i took 20 minutes at the mrt station to just tell him how i liked him alot,
• how i folded clorets papers and made my friends do it so that i can give him for my anniversary
• how i didnt see him for a month except for twice when his father was sick
• how i wrote all his relatives names on his sister's wedding card
• how i have the right to be petty but he made it all wrong.
• how he told me last minutes about things. didnt bother to tell me where he was until i called him and everytime the reason was, " i was about to call you"

memories flashes now and then. my first love. how i changed.i broke up with him. not because i dont love him but because i wanted him to change.WHAT E HELL I WAS THINKING.

change?! because after that, i was still hanging on to him. i shouldnt have done that because come to think about it, after 9 months of break up, ace is more lost than ever. HAHA. i am more lost too but i kind of know more about myself. its a reflection. for that two months of fresh break up, i still check his mails, friendster & hv to succumb to seeing things that i jolly well hope it was a dream but i still see also. i have to go through life without someone there whom i have always depend on. i go to esplanade every day and almost laughed about things every night. i still love him so much and when i did see him, i still confess my love.

OMG.

WHAT E HELL I WAS THINKING part two. ace was right at that moment. i didnt understand the meaning of moving on and still, i insisted on my own principles. i got to trouble here & there by holding on to my beliefs. mom was right. if he loved me, no matter what, he will come back. he never told me he loved me anymore but the day that we hugged when we said we would be friends, i could feel something different. as though he would missed me.

days goes by and i begin to side aside my love for him.he became a friend. i learnt how to be normal without obligations. its hard for me at the start but i got used to it. i mean whenever he talks about girls and all, i would know how to laugh and then walked away, knowing i did well. but sometimes when i bid goodbye and still talk silly, i see in his eyes, as if we were still the same. words may lie but the eyes dont. i mean my hope of marrying my first love just like mom and dad was, is no longer there. i have given my all. my love and understanding. trust and patience. knowing how to seperate love and friends. i have given my all. i know i have tried, my mom knows, grannie knows and my bestie realised it too.

im not going to change how i love a person because i know i will always be a giver rather than what all normal women would do. i love to be honest in love. i have always love to make known to others who my special person was because i know he is worth to be announced. i will still protect my love and make him special gifts and flowers. bring him to places he never go before and make his birthday the best yet. i know i cant change myself except being a bit toned down.

but.

i have always hope the next special person i would meet would make me feel special and happy just like i do. i never asked much in my life. i just want to know how it feels like to know you are loved without guessing whether you are his priority. i mean like one day if my future husband gets on his knees and propose to me, i know i will cry. definately. because i waited for the day someone would love me all his heart to take care of me when we grow old together.

thats what i learn about the rules of love.

its not about being the FIRST. SECOND or LAST. not about who is in POWER or CONTROL. its all about you. the rules of love is about you being able to love the other unconditionally. to give that joy and laughter and knowing at the end of a bad day, you are still loved.

okays. got to sleep. just a thought about being in LOVE. aiyee WORK TIME!