Ayunithebest.......



for the past few days, i have been missing the comforts of home.i try my best to make it up by bringing my family out to eat even though their stomachs are full.its hard for me to divide time knowing that i have work,family and friends. in a week,i used 5.5 days for working and the weekends would be divided for dewi,feli,min and ace. sometimes i feel like a parent but so far, its been good. now that i am starting to do overtime,i come home draggy and i wished someone would picked me up everyday. today was not supposed to be my overtime. i somemore indicated in my new little pocket diary on the days i would do so that i wont get tired. NO. it didnt happen that way because there was NO nurses for the afternoon shift at FMC.

initially i said NO until yvonne called me and she sounded desperate.i couldnt refused because FMC has always been a family to me. besides the more OT i do, the more money i can get. thats what ace has always taught me. i learnt well =) i was having some allergies too but i still worked. it was DAMN itchy la. scratch like a monkey. it was a hectic day, just like being in a ward. both doctors i saw for my allergies dont want to give me MC. why oh why. i am still scratching here and there after eating my cetrizine. darn. hope i get well soon. somemore must work extra OT tomorrow and thursday. not forgetting sunday.

i am still positive.



the best thing about today was i got to work with mr nurse. he is OBVIOUSLY awkward around me. aiyoh. just because i went out with you, admire you, gave you a gift doesnt equates to you being awkward. he wanted to borrow something from my clinic. i went in my disspensary and my nurses as usual were teasing us. of course, i act cool again. this guy die die dont want to talk to me. i dont know why and even susan noticed. OMG. hahaha, i want to laugh. when i worked with him downstairs, he is so obvious acting like a cartoon in front of me. how to not judge! i mean like if you dont like, dont like. i never force you to like me also.i know you have a girlfriend and i respect that. i dont mind being single and also, me admiring you doesnt mean i love you to the core. i just respect you as a human being because you are very humanitarian =)

now that WHOLE fmc knows i used to like him.

the best thing yvonne and kamsiah said to me was,

forget about him ayunie. you DESERVE someone much better.



that was what they said when i lost ace. that was what they also said when mr nurse has a girlfriend and that was what they said when the guys i like are playing me out, somehow. i dont know. it seemed like the same dialogue everytime. and so something strike to my mind. if i happened to be good and kind to everyone and i deserve someone better,i would have to wait aeons for it. i kind of have thought about it.i want a boyfriend or husband that is imperfect but perfect in my eyes. he maybe ugly to others but he will always be handsome to me.

aaarrrhhh.. that must be the true meaning of love. which i learnt long time ago.



i wait. wait until i turn old and i find that someone. GOD knows who. since everyone has been believing i deserve someone better, i might as well see who is that person. im also interested to know who =) hahaha. im also not interested in dating already,for now.its just not the priority now. whoever i meet,let time tell. i would concentrate more in listening to my friends and work than doing all this silly things that seems so desperate.

its fun being someone trying so hard to listen. just like yesterday.



i got worried. my heart didnt felt right. first person i call is ace. i dont usually get worried but if i do, it means something bad happened. ace seemed okays but until, he told me about his life.i find joy listening to him =) i sucked at advices. how can you advice someone who has always been advicing people all his life. i find it hard to come up with words because the more i say, the more defensive he became. i was just trying to help. i found it very hard to make ace listen to me at times but i learnt to be more persistent. he calls me petty and more but i make sure i repeat my sentence again this time. i didnt want him to see me as someone who didnt care about him because i know he is having a rough time now.

i dont really show my attachment to him much anymore.i begin to be more honest about things. i gave him space to think about his actions and how he wants to live his life. i dont tell him how to run but give him suggestions about how people may run their life. everytime i meet him, i would ask how he fared about life and if he does know how to answer, i know he is starting to think. i still trying to be more stronger in life so that if he falls, i can catch him. somehow i feel how can i still talk to him even though he does talk to other girls. i dont know how i will react if he does find someone special.

most probably i will react the same way. the same way i always do for three years. maybe thats unconditionally love. i no longer expect my love to be returned but only for him to know i am always here. thats enough =) oh wells, i know you are tired of listening to this again (im also tired of typing that) so see the pictures instead!

PICS!


the three babes and hunks.


squeezing in =)


HAHAHA, ruggard.

and also,



for more. check out facebook/friendster =)

have a nice day! time for me to sleep!